Somewhere In Your Silent Night
by smile-clarenet
Summary: Blade can't face Christmas without his best friend, until his new friends try to show him how much fun Christmas on the base can be. Humanised.


I've been debating sharing this fic for almost a year. I don't think I've managed to capture the emotion the way I wanted, but I can't think how to change it. This one is inspired by Casting Crowns' Somewhere In Your Silent Night. The first verse and chorus struck a chord with me when I first heard it. I decided to make this story humanised, so for the purposes of the hangars, each crew member (or team, in the case of the smokejumpers) has living quarters attached to the side of their relevant hangar.

I'm dedicating this to all the people who are missing a loved one. Seven years ago, I experienced the first Christmas without my father, following on from a nightmare of a summer when he was seriously ill. I still miss him dearly, but his illness helped me to rediscover my faith, and through that I found some comfort.

A conversation I had with my mother a few weeks ago has been playing on my mind, when I finally found the courage to tell her the reason why I hate it when my husband goes away, even for one night. She reminded me that nobody should suffer alone.

 _Disclaimer: I don't own Planes or Cars._

* * *

 _All is calm and all is bright, everywhere but in your heart tonight. They're singing carols of joy and peace, but you feel too far gone and too far out of reach._

 _Somewhere in your silent night, heaven hears the song your broken heart has cried. Hope is here, just lift your head for love has come to find you, somewhere in your silent night._

Blade curled up on the threadbare sofa in his living room, absently staring at the fire crackling merrily in the grate. Someone had pulled out a string of tinsel and hung it across the mantelpiece while he'd been out scouting the week before. Tempted as he was to pull it down, it did add a little cheer to the otherwise drab room. The bitter wind outside whistled through all the tiny gaps in the somewhat run down hut. He'd been offered a hut and hangar next to that of the smoke jumpers, but he'd begged for the one farthest from the runway. The chief had been somewhat bemused, and tried to persuade him to take the offered space. Blade put his foot down. He wanted peace and quiet after the craziness of LA. He was a mystery to the rest of the team, newly qualified, yet already highly skilled, and not particularly sociable. The truth was, he didn't want them to realise just how messed up he felt.

Somewhere on the base, the smoke jumpers were butchering various Christmas carols at the tops of their voices, the most audible being Avalanche. Didn't the guy have a volume control? Blade grimaced. The old, dilapidated hut didn't have a stereo or a TV, so drowning them out was out of the question. Nick would have gone down there and joined in. Nick …

The mechanic-cum-medic on the base was a familiar guy. Blade had worked with him for a while on set. Maru was a force to be reckoned with. Maru and Nick hadn't always seen eye to eye; Blade found himself stepping in more than once to end their arguments. Maru wasn't the easiest person to get on with, Blade reflected. He'd fallen out with the mechanic several times himself, but then … Maru's attitude changed the day Nick … he'd become a good friend in the blink of an eye. Until one day he wasn't there any more, and Blade felt lost all over again.

Blade was roused from his thoughts by a knock on the door. It was normal to leave front doors unlocked around the base, unless they were off fighting a fire. Blade looked up to see the chief watching him.

"You were miles away. I called your name at least half a dozen times just now," the chief's words were light, but Blade thought he detected underlying concern for the newest recruit.

Blade grunted as the chief walked in and sat on the sofa beside Blade, careful to give him some room.

"They're doing carols and a party for the park staff over at the lodge later."

"Blade turned back to the fire. For a moment he thought he saw the shadow of a blue and white helicopter dancing among the flames.

"Blade – "

Blade caught the chief's gaze for a moment. His boss wasn't so much watching him as studying him now.

"It's not all about fighting fires and saving people."

"I know that," Blade grumbled, wincing as the words came out rather harsher than intended.

"I don't know what happened to you before you came here – "

Blade opened his mouth to interrupt, but the chief held up a hand to stop him.

"I don't know what happened to you before you came here, but we all want to help you."

"Blade got to his feet and approached the fire, staring down at the burning logs. He stuffed his hands deep into his pockets. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he heard the commotion of _that day_.

"Blade. Son. Come to the party."

"When Blade turned back around some time later, he had the room to himself again. He pulled a screen around the fire and strode out to the lookout above his home.

Spread out below him, the airbase gave way to the woods that lined the hills. Above him … he looked up at the stars. He'd watched the stars many times before. The park was peaceful, quiet for the winter, softly lit by the stars and moon. Blade sank to his knees, a sob barely contained.

* * *

Footsteps disturbed Blade's quiet spot. The steps stopped, and there was a loud grunt as someone sat down beside him. Blade raised his head to acknowledge the chief, but made no other move.

"Maru's worrying about you. He's saying you'll make yourself sick, sitting up here without your coat on."

Blade glanced at the chief. "You're not wearing a coat either."

"I'm used to the cold winters here."

"I'm not cold."

"Next you'll be telling me you haven't been crying either. You can drop the tough guy attitude, Blade."

Strains of another carol reached them, and Blade grimaced again.

"Too loud for you, huh?"

Blade nodded, not quite daring to let on exactly why he wasn't enjoying it.

"You can't save everyone, son. I've spent many nights up here myself. Wondering if there was something I could have done. Some other way of approaching the fire. Some other way of warning them. Maybe I could have trained them better. Accidents happen, son."

"We were just messing around, doing some stunts."

"And here I was thinking you'd been doing this firefighting thing a whole lot longer than you were letting on. So, stunt man, eh?"

Blade shrugged. The less they knew about his past the better as far as he was concerned. It was enough for him that they didn't seem to recognise him when he first arrived.

"Recent too, I'm guessing."

"Maru was there."

"He does seem to have a soft spot for you. Come to the party. We'll raise a glass to your friend," the chief stood up and offered a hand to Blade.

Blade accepted the hand.

"Go and clean yourself up. Find a photo of your friend, and take it down to Maru. Put him on The Wall. Honour his memory, Blade. I'll wait for you by the tower."

Half an hour later, when Blade joined the rest of the crew, the smoke jumpers cheered, and even _hugged_ him. Blade looked up the chief and gave a nod of thanks. Christmas without Nick … it wouldn't be easy, but he wouldn't be alone in his grief. He found he was able to smile, but refrained from joining in with another rendition of the carols as they set off for the lodge. Maru slipped into step beside him. Perhaps, one day, the crew would become family.


End file.
